Christmas has come and gone and it is kind of a sad feeling for me. There is so much hype leading up to it that if I hadn't just stolen the time to truly meditate on what it means to me and it's splendor it may have just moved on by me without my even noticing. But I love Christmas. Even if the Bible doesn't ask me to celebrate his birth and even if Jesus wasn't born now it is the time put aside to worship His birth and that is adequate for me. It is a special time for us to honor others because He honored us first. That is what Christmas is about for me, honoring others that I love with the grace that Jesus gave me. The grace he gives us all.
I have been living all by myself the last two years for the first time in my whole entire life and I have discovered a lot about myself. One of the most important discoveries I have made is that God wants me to be amazing, He loves me that much! Whenever I say to him, I can't or I am afraid or I will hurt them or am not strong enough to do something He says to me "Yes, you can" or "Don't be afraid" or "I will be there with you" and sometimes He says "I will give you the words" but more times than not He says to me "I will give you all the strength and courage you need to be exactly what you want to be and more". All I have to do is ask. I can overcome anything from the past, any mistakes I have ever made with others, any shortcomings I have in dealing with others if I just step up and ask Him to help me.
There have been some overwhelming transformations within me and I am made most aware of them when I pay attention to other peoples behavior and think to myself... I used to be like that, or I can understand why they are doing that or saying that because that is exactly what I used to say or exactly what I would have done in the same situation.
But when did these changes happen to me? I have no idea. It most certain that they didn't happen overnight. It has taken time and a lot of tears and hurt and pain. He is tweaking me because I want Him to. He is tweaking me because He loves me and He wants me ready for anything that He gives me. It is frightening and exciting and I love it! I am not afraid to do things I used to be afraid to do and I am not afraid to tell people how I feel about them or tell them what I think about things in general any more and it feels so good. I Love my Jesus for tweaking me and the day He stops tweaking this Earthly girl will be the day I am no longer walking around on this Earth. He loves me all the time, but he loves me the most when I am half mad with pain or frustration because that is when I beg Him to pick me up and love me hard and tweak me more.
It makes me sad now when I see people afraid to be the best they can be. It makes my heart break for the people who have been hurt and given up because that used to be me. I used to hide and not believe for one minute that I could or should try again. I thought I can't be hurt like that again or whats the use trying, it wont work out anyway etc etc. For the first time ever I have figured out that God wants all good things for me and I can't have them if I am afraid. He wants me to be happy. He wants me to be loved. He wants me to be able to give like I am made of money and he wants me to be able to receive and be thankful and do so with grace.
So grace He gives me simply because I have asked. Grace is what he wants us all to have. He doesn't want any of us to be sad or lonely, he wants us all to be loved and in love and full of love for others. He wants us all to have Grace and give it freely to others as well. Forgiveness, kindness, love, compassion, empathy. All Good things come through him to us to share with others. Take a moment and reflect on the deepest desires of your very heart. He already knows what they are and He is waiting for you to ask Him to help you have them. Be Blessed, allow His Blessings to fill your heart and your life so you can share them with people you know and love, and with people you encounter and people who are just passing by. May his grace, peace and love fill you and overflow into the lives of others and may your New Year bring with it a gate you can open to welcome His tweaks.